Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its not stalking. its research.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
