rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
