I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need a burrito and a hug.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
