i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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