I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
