her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
