She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
