Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
