cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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