I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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