I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
