I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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