I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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