you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
