Welp...herpes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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