Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
