I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
17 year olds will be the death of me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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