JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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