Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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