i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
