so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
