It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
