This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
