i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
