So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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