What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
