Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk is not a location!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
