My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
