Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
