like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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