She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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