he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
