I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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