I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
