I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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