in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
