Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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