she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
