nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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