when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
