I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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