Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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