The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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