We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
