It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
