They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
