just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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