Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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