You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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