My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
