This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize