Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
