i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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