Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
