I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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