Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
