I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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