if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
