operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
