i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
