We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize