We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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