it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
