never play flip cup with pint glasses
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
