Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
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I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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