Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
