your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
