Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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