So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
